Being a mom of twins is a unique experience. There is double the joy and double the pleasure. There is also double the nervousness and double the guilt. As a mom of twins, not a single day passes by when I am not hit with different kinds of dilemmas. Sharing here, a glimpse of my mind and my life from my initial days of motherhood.
I see my boy crying at the pitch of his voice. I run towards him nervously only to realize that he is hungry and needs to be fed. As I prepare to feed him, my girl starts howling. I wonder what could be the reason and suddenly I see her dripping diaper. She has pooped and is calling me to clean her. Thus, there I stand in the middle of the two; not able to decide whom do I pick first. I realize this is just the beginning of a whole range of dilemmas that will hit me each day, from now on.
My daughter is learning to crawl. Now, being a perfectionist as it seems, she practices the same even while sleeping. On one occasion she was about to have her ‘great fall’ from the bed. Thankfully this ‘humpty’ was saved by her ‘king father’. From then on, I make her sleep very close to me so that I can feel her movements every minute. My boy, on the other hand, sleeps peacefully and doesn’t need that much of bed time preparations. He sleeps at a little distance from both me and my daughter. Though this sleeping set-up works best for both my kids, I lie there on the bed, with my hands on my girl and eyes on my boy.
As a mom of twins, I often find myself divided. My hands hold one, and my eyes stick to another. While my heart loves both equally, my mind and body stand split.
This division is worsened by an ugly monster, called ‘guilt’. So when I choose to pick my boy to feed him while delegating the task of cleaning my girl to someone else, I can find this monster greeting me with a sly grin. I realize this monster has found a home in my heart and plans to stay there for long.
As a mom of twins, I fight an internal battle everyday. I combat my fears of being partial. I strive against the power of comparison. I earnestly try to be fair and just. And I know I will probably have to fight this battle all through my life.
So while I thank God for being kind and blessing me with two little bundles of joy, I also secretly pray to him. I supplicate the almighty, each night, to grant me wisdom and strength so that I can beat my dilemmas, emerge victorious in this battle and raise my kids with unconditional love and affection.
Are you a mom of twins? Could you relate with this piece ? Share your views in the comments below. Also follow me on Instagram to have a glimpse of my life with twins.
Disclaimer: This post was originally published for a site called Mrigaa.com. The site isn’t functional anymore, so posting here for you all to read.
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