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Do Not Sacrifice For Your Kids: Simply Live and Let Live

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Do you really sacrifice for your kids ?

Motherhood is a life-changing event that demands a woman to face a lot of challenges and make a few adjustments in order to overcome them.

I recently met an old friend who was working in an MNC since past 5 years. She suddenly had to quit her job given to her new role as a ‘mother’ . While she was happily flipping the pages of this new chapter of her life, she was equally unhappy for ending a previous one that involved a well-meaning job, earning her a six-digit salary. With utmost sympathy and concern, I was all ears to her super-heroic story of the nine hour long labour and the sleepless nights thereafter, until she mentioned one last line. She ended by looking at her two months old daughter and saying “I hope when she grows up, she realizes what all changes we made in our life just to raise her up. All my sacrifices would be worth it, then.

This one nomenclature got me thinking. Not only did I realize how big the terminology is but also how it tends to impact both the mother and the child. As a parent myself, I want to implore all mothers to re-think before using the term ‘sacrifice’ for your kids.

Is it a sacrifice or a choice? 

Don’t we choose to become parents? We make a conscious decision to bring a tiny soul in this world just to add happiness in our lives. And in order to fulfill our decision we choose to make some arrangements. As a mother we may choose to work or not work or work staying at home. It’s always a personal choice which we make voluntarily. Sometimes our decision is driven by our circumstances but nevertheless it’s still a situational choice. Wouldn’t we be demeaning our parenting by justifying our choices as a sacrifice?

Do Not sacrifice for your kids

The two-fold damage it may entail

By liberally using the term sacrifice, aren’t we placing the guilt of our choices on our children? By holding them as reasons behind our sacrifice, we are putting an unnecessary pressure on them to compensate for it throughout their lives. We want our children to grow in the best possible way and by giving them the best of what they need we are just fulfilling our role as parents. By constantly reminding them of what we did as parents would mean making them liable for a debt they never asked for. Instead of fulfilling their own dreams, the children unknowingly carry the baggage of their parents’ unfulfilled aspirations.

Also as mothers, when we think too much in terms of sacrifice, we tend to live with a feeling of regret and resentment. Instead of looking forward to follow those unrequited dreams we keep counting what we have missed. The constant feeling of not being able to achieve one goal just to fulfill another is deterring and frustrating. And this frustration not just impacts our mind and health but also our relationships, at times taking shape of ugly spats and arguments with our loved ones. Instead of pondering over our past decisions, shouldn’t we look forward to solutions that can help us to live our life fully? After all, only happy mothers can raise happy kids.

So dear mothers, do not sacrifice for your kids. Simply Live and Let Live. Value yourself, live your dreams, take a plunge, choose confidently. And in doing all this, simply respect your decisions and never put the burden of your choices on your children.

As mothers what is your take on this? Do you really sacrifice for your kids? Share your views in the comments below.

Also Read : How Motherhood Changed Me, Only For Better

 


Disclaimer: I wrote this post for a site called Mrigaa.com. The site isn’t functional anymore, so posting it here for you all to read.


This post ‘ Do Not Sacrifice For Your Kids’ is a part of My Friend Alexa campaign with Blogchatter. I have also written a poetic piece under this campaign. Read it here- Magnum Opus
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Comments:

12 responses to “Do Not Sacrifice For Your Kids: Simply Live and Let Live”

  1. mjothi says:

    So true. Live life as it is. Why keep quoting such pleasures as a sacrifice. Nicely said.

  2. Mahak says:

    I admit I too used to use the word “sacrifice” very loosely. But of late I have started being more careful. Firstly as you said, it puts the guilt on the child and since N is now starting to understand everything we say, I do not want him to misunderstand. Secondly it is also not fair to my husband to say that I have sacrificed my career. By the same logic, he may say that he has sacrificed time with his child so that he could earn and provide for all 3 of us. Yes we both have made compromises and adjustments, but that is what life is all about. I no longer consider it a sacrifice and I have no regrets.

  3. Neha Sharma says:

    This is such a well written post, Charu. And I totally agree with you, the decision of having kids is completely our choice and in no way we can be sacrificing anything for the choices we made. Live and let live!

  4. So true Charu! Its a conscious decision we take to be parents and then blaming kids for no reason isnt justified.

  5. I love reading this post Charu. I had a similar discussion with one of my friends who was using the word sacrifice for his children often . It is a matter of choice that parents take for children but when we all feel low or lose sanity, shout out loud on sacrifice as parents. So, aren’t we blaming our child without any fault. Sharing this with my community.

  6. Ruchie says:

    I so agree with you Charu …one should be ready to take charge of Parenthood without mentioning it as sacrifice..

  7. I think sacrifice, choices, changes etc these are bad words… When a new person comes into our life’s… We all make adjustments accordingly…with a baby I too have adjusted my work according to my daughter’s schedule… And will continue to do so till she needs me to be there with her…

  8. Yes for some it’s sacrifice but for me it was my choice when u loose something, u gain too.. I gain my daughter love which is no where compared to my 5 digit salary… But it’s individual need Which decide whether it’s choice or sacrifice

  9. Sinduja C says:

    My friends have always found me weird when I tell them that Parenting cannot be all sacrifice. Your post just put my thought into beautoful words!

  10. That is surely correct and something i believe too. This must be understood by all

  11. momtasticworld says:

    what a lovely piece of writing, I couldn’t agree more with you. Being a parent was our choice and sacrificing something would mean putting our kids under unnecessary pressure to proof something in return.

  12. It was all about sacrifices until recently! That’s what our elders teach us!! But thankfully, even though it was a lil late, I did realise what your article says is the right thing. Parenting should not always about sacrifices!

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