Having children can bring out the best and worst in parents. And when you have twins, it’s all the more exhausting. They throw challenges at every stage which sometimes get too overwhelming. Read here some tips on how to be patient with twins.
When A&A turned around 2.5 years old, there was a stage when I would find myself losing my temper quite often. They were extremely naughty (still are!) and I would find it tough to remain patient with them. Well, I know I am not alone in this and many parents of two face this. How to choose to react to our children especially when they are at their worse behaviour is a challenge and a tough one for that.
In this post I am sharing some ways and tricks that help me manage my anger and stay patient with twins.
Age Appropriate Behavior
A&A love playing with water and every now and then they spill water on the bed or sofa or even their clothes. I find it the most irritating because all I end up doing throughout the day is changing their clothes or bedsheets. But then I often ask myself isn’t it something normal for their age. They are just 3 years old and most of the activities which they do, that result in creating a lot of mess, is something all kids do. So whenever something goes wrong I remind myself the age of my twins and that helps me to respond better to their actions.
Respond, Not React
Whenever I am in situation when kids drive me crazy, I practice a little mindfulness. I take a pause, think and reflect whether I am reacting or responding. Reaction is usually impulsive and extreme, response on the other hand is more calm and well-thought out. Initially I used it react, now I try my best to respond and first understand the situation.
Anger attracts Anger
One thing that I have learnt is kids follow us in action and words. In a situation where they are screaming or throwing a meltdown, my shouting or yelling at them makes things worse. Most of the time when I shout, they shout back. And that no where helps. In order to make them calm, I first need to stay calm myself. It’s tough, especially when we are in an embarrassing situation outdoors, but it gradually does work to bring a behavioral change.
One good thing with twins is that they don’t always get into trouble at the same time. So when one tries to test my patience, I shift my attention to the other twin who for the moment is behaving well. This helps me to divert my mind and control my seething anger. Also when I praise the well-behaved kid, the other one too sometimes try to change his/her reaction in a positive way.
If diverting attention, doesn’t work. I prefer to walk away from the situation and take a break in the heat of the moment. So I usually go to another room for a few minutes and then come back pacified enough to tackle the situation. Thankfully I have a nanny at home, so when I am away for those few minutes she keeps a watch on the kids ensuring nothing worse happens.
Take Things Easy
Most of my reasons for getting impatient with my kids is when I find them not listening to me or when we are going out and they delay unnecessary. I am someone who always likes to be punctual, so a even a slight delay sometimes upsets me a lot. I have now learnt to slow down. I now try to start early to get them ready when we have to go somewhere out. Instead of panicking last minute and asking them to hurry up every 2 seconds I now keep some buffer time in hand. And even if we reach a little late for an appointment or an activity, I convince myself that it’s ok and the world won’t coming falling apart.
Sometimes this seems like the best way out. I try to look at the situation with a sense of humor and force a laugh and that atleast helps me to control and manage my anger. It does work many a times, trust me!
I now know our triggers, that is, things and actions that upset us and are a cause of frustration at our home. I try to prevent them in the first place. So if kids love spilling water and I hate it, I give them a designated corner in the room to do so. I put quick dry sheets on the bed. And when they create mess, I ask them only to clean it. I have realised most of the situations are actually manageable if we try to find out a solution for the same. So instead of boiling my blood and yelling in anger, I now try to look for solutions and alternatives. That’s certainly helps to stay calm and patient with twins.
Did you find this post useful? What trick do you follow to stay patient with twins? Do share your views in the comments below.