Is it possible to have it all as a mom?
Five years back I had applied for a course at British Council. It was a much sought after course with limited seats and a rigorous admission process. I had cleared the first two rounds and was very elated about the same. I was just awaiting my final interview. The day I got the call for my interview, that same day I got another news – I am Pregnant. It was a high-risk pregnancy and I was advised by the doctor to stay on bed rest all through. Honestly I was very happy and didn’t regret not pursuing the course further for a minute. I always thought it’s not something I can’t do later. I can apply for the course again after a few years. But five years down the line I still haven’t been able to apply yet and not sure if I will be able to do now.
Well, this wasn’t the only choice that I had to make as a mother – between my career aspirations and motherhood. There have been many instances post that. And I always willingly chose the latter . As I said, I don’t have regrets. It’s a choice that I happily made. But it does leave me with a question that I often ponder about – Is it possible to have it all as mom?
My very close friend is a working mom and her situation is no different. Each day I see her hassling to maintain a work /life balance. While she may be able to achieve that, she is struggling to climb the corporate ladder and is unhappy because a promotion would demand her to invest more hours at work, which she won’t be able to do.
We women often face this situation where we have to make ‘tough’ choices, especially after being a mother. There is always this dilemma of giving up on one thing to choose the other. Whether it’s a work from home mom, a part-time one or full-time, a flexible schedule or a rigid one – every mom faces these dilemmas and somewhere has to let go off one thing to choose the other. No one’s life is perfect and no one has it all. And this often leaves us with a feeling of regret and even self-doubt.
I myself have been through this phase of constant self-doubt for the longest time. But then I realised I need to pick myself up and move on before I pass this feeling of inadequacy to my kids as well. We don’t realise but our children pick up our emotions and vibes. And we cannot pass on our anxieties to them.
So here is how I came out of the phase –
Stop Regretting, Start Accepting
While all these choices may make one feel helpless, there is one thing that’s in our hands which is- to live a life without regrets. Our choices are ours. We made them and we need to stand up to them. So better do it happily than being guilty or remorseful about it. So whether a working mom or a stay at home one, enjoy what you have and live it fully.
Connect with like-minded moms
Connecting with other moms who are going through the same life stage as me, made me realise that I am not alone. There are so many more like me going through the same doubts and making the same decisions. And there is no better place to get support or a listening ear.
Stay away from judgements
Stay away from people who judge or question you for your choices. Avoid such groups of friends/neighbourhoods. Don’t let their opinion cloud your mind. Once I stopped paying heed to what others think about me, I felt more confident about my life choices.
Ask For Help
Never hesitate to ask for any help-be it from friends, family or be it hiring someone for work. An overwhelmed mind is an anxious mind. Asking for help is a sign of strength. It basically shows we know what we need and are working on that. So whether a working mom or sahm one, ask for help if required. Tell your family members you need support. And don’t feel guilty about it at all. It’s not fair or realistic to believe that we can do it all.
I am a mom of twins and even though I stayed at home all the time, I realised I will be needing a helping hand to manage my twins. And I got one. This helped me stay sane in the initial years, less overwhelmed and more joyful.
Practice Self Care
A happy mommy makes a happy home. If we are not at our best (physically and mentally), both our family life and our work life suffers. Practicing self care is not selfish. Spending a few minutes of your day connecting with self, always helps. Be it exercising, meditating, reading a book or watching TV- do what makes you happy. When we take care of self, we feel more confident, more joyful and less regretful.
Make the most of what we have
I always believe in this saying – ‘Life keeps throwing opportunities at us. It’s our call when to grab it’. Instead of always worrying about problems, look for solutions and how you can help yourself. Once we make peace with our situation, accept and embrace it fully, we also learn how to make the most of it.
Sharing about myself, once I accepted I won’t be able to resume a full time work, I spent some time thinking of things I can do staying at home. When my kids turned a year old, I started freelancing which gave me a suitable work from home option.
Today I am a happy work-from-home mom, who manages to work while also spending time with her kids . It’s not that my life is perfect. I still struggle to balance most of my days and fail terribly. In fact I find it all the more challenging working from home with kids running or jumping around my neck all the time. However, I am happy and content with what I have and that’s what matters.
So coming back to the question – is it possible to have it all as a mom? Maybe Yes, maybe No. For many its Not. But the beauty of it is to know how to make the best out of any situation and be happy from within. As I said, each one of us have our their own struggles. No one’s life is perfect and no one is able to balance it all. (Remember the grass is always greener on the other side?)
However, all of us are capable of creating our own definition of ‘balance’ and achieve that for ourselves and our family. What we have currently may not look exactly like how we pictured our life to be, but don’t let that deceive you. Appreciate all the great things you do have, and make the most of them
This post is part of the #BlogchatterA2Z challenge run by Blogchatter
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