Being A Fair And Impartial Parent of Twins
I am often asked ‘Who is my favorite kid among my twins?’. Though I try to negate the question humorously by saying – ‘I am my favorite’, it still gets me thinking. Ofcourse I love both my kids equally without a doubt but am I always an impartial parent? Ofcourse I provide them with equal resources, gifts and almost everything but am I always fair and just, especially when it comes to solving their fights and squabbles?
Being a parent of twins has its own sets of joys as well as challenges. The biggest challenge any parent of twins faces is how to be just and impartial in parenting. It’s tricky because parents love all their kids equally yet they are often caught in a situation when they have to choose one kid over the other or be a little linient with one and strict with the other
When A&A were just a few months old I would often find myself torn in a situation where both of them are crying aloud and I am not able to decide whom to comfort first. I often picked the baby who cried louder and then felt guilty for not being fair to the other one. Now as they are growing up, such situations come up everyday where I find myself divided between the two. And everytime I have to choose one baby over of the other, the guilt-monster strikes and it strikes hard.
Honestly such situations keep coming often. At a conscious level, I try to follow certain things that can help me be more just and equal in my parenting. These are like promises that I have made to myself and I keep coming back to these promises everytime I find myself caught in a difficult situation.
Here’s a small list of my promises, things to-do and not-to-do in twin parenting, that helps me (and can help many other parents too) in being a fair and impartial parent of twins.
‘Your sister is so quiet, you are do noisy.’’ ‘Your brother eats quickly, you are so slow’ – we all tend to fall into this comparison game. I often found myself using these phrases without realising the damage they can do. Not just it is unfair to the kids, but it also makes things very complicated for the parent. So I now make a conscious attempt to be a little more mindful in my approach and resist this urge to compare. And it certainly helps me to look at each situation differently.
Respect Their Individuality
We tend to generalize the likes and needs of our kids. If one likes cars, the other too would be liking, which isn’t true. The less we generalize and respect individual likings and interests, more easier it becomes to be fair and just. While I celebrate the similarities between my twins, I make sure I fulfill their personal needs and cater to their individual interests.
Avoid Taking Sides
This is the trickiest. Choosing one kid over the other becomes inevitable while resolving any argument/fight. Now that my twins are growing up, I try to tell them to solve their own fights and problems (that’s the safest way to be out of the situation). And if I have to be the peacemaker, I try to to deal with it more objectively without taking any sides.
Nurture The Twin Bond
Twins share a special sibling bond and its important to nourish it the right way. I often try to ensure that my twins not just love each other but also respect each others likes and dislikes and interests. That’s the only way to build a strong and healthy bond between them.
Throw Away The Guilt
Honestly we need to accept that not all days are same with twins and not all days are of equality. There are certain days when I give ice cream to one kid and not give to the other (because he is suffering from cough). And there are some days when I deprive one kid of the ice cream because the other can’t have it too. In both the cases, I’m a good parent to one and probably a not-so-good parent to the other (as they would like to think). But at the end it is all situational, it is all for the child’s good and it is all only for one day. So it’s better to get away with the guilt and take each day as a new day.
Did you find this article useful? Do share in the comments how you ensure to be a fair and impartial parent of twins. Also feel free to share this post with anyone you think would find it helpful.