How To Let Go off Parental Fears & Give More Freedom to Growing Kids

A lot of times I get scary thoughts/ dreams about my kids, and I wake up hugging them tight, not letting them go anywhere far from my sight.  Happens with you too? 

As parents, our natural instinct is to protect our kids from what might happen or to make sure nothing bad happens to them. We don’t realise how anxious we are about our kids wellbeing but don’t we spend most of the time thinking just about them. 

Such thoughts creates worry in us and gives birth to fears, imaginations & projections. The result is we curb our kids’ freedom as we are unable to let go of the parental fears growing within us. 

Parental fears are natural. But we need to learn how to manage them. Else they tend to pull us in a vicious cycle of negative thoughts and our energy is directed towards lecturing, nagging or hovering over our budding bloomers. What we do is become blind towards our behaviour and not see our children clearly or connect to them. We fail in giving them what they actually need. We worry more and guide less. Worry is inescapable when you have kids.  This continuous worry becomes a troubling loop where the more we fear, the more we protect our children & the more we are around to protect, the more reasons we have to fear. What we need to do is calm our anxiety. Remember, calm parents raise calm children. 

There are many things we can give our kids by spending time with them, but one main thing we can’t hand them over easily is independence. Because for that they need to be away from them and pave way for them to achieve things on their own.  So, the task is for Us to step back, Open the door, and Let our Child Go.  

Here are a few tips on how to let go of parental fears and give more freedom to our growing kids:

1 Give up Control, allow them to explore

Our job as parents is to raise well-adjusted individuals who can manage life without the safety fence of their home. It’s important to let go of this urge to control. Let kids take the lead. Allow them to explore within safe boundaries. Be it at home or a garden, let them jump around, crawl or climb the tallest swing. Stop stopping them. Ofcourse be around to ensure safety but donot stop them from trying and exploring.

2. Teach children to help themselves rather than helping them.

For instance, if the child is looking for a specific toy in the house, guide them instead of finding it for him/her. Let them come up with solutions to simple problems.

3. Offer choices to kids 

This helps kids in decision making. Let kids decide if they want to brush first or wear the night suit. Let them decide how much food they want on their plate. By offering choice we send the message to our kids that we believe in them, and they are competent and have the ability to make decent decisions.  Respect their perspectives and priorities.

4. Let go off expectations 

Give up on your own expectations of what your role as a parent means.  Stay in the moment, connect deeply with children, understand them, accept them as they are, trust them, and have faith in their abilities.

5. Let them make mistakes

Allow them to make mistakes and learn from their own experience. Accept that it’s natural & healthy for children to take risks. Only then will their confidence in themselves build up. 

Parental fears are real and lead to overprotective parenting without us realising it. We tend to hover over our children all the time. We need to remember that our kids need to experience the world first hand in order to learn and grow. They need freedom. They need to be able to take their own decisions and organize their own activities and not just follow adult direction. In simple words, they need for us to stop protecting them and start preparing them.

This post is part of the #BlogchatterA2Z challenge run by Blogchatter

E – Emotional Wellbeing Of Parents During The Pandemic

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