Birthday of 2015 : The Most Memorable Day Of My Life

1/12/2015- The most dramatic yet memorable day of my life.

1st December happens to be my birthday. It is usually a day when I am made to feel special. However, in 2015 I had another reason to feel special. I had delivered my babies just three days before and it was my first birthday post motherhood.

My twins were born on 27th November 2015. As soon as they were born they were taken to NICU for observation. Since they were slightly below the average weight, doctors told us that their NICU stay will be extended, almost to 24 hours. We believed that it was for their good and hence complied. After a day, we got to know that my son has caught some infection and so his stay would continue till he is on the antibiotic course. Suspecting the same for my daughter, doctors advised her to be under observation too. We were finally told that both the kids will be out of NICU on 1st December.

For a mother, having given birth and yet not having the new-born kids by her side is something very difficult to imagine. For me, those three days were the longest days of my life. All through my pregnancy I waited for the day to arrive when I would see my kids. And when the time came where I could see them in front of my eyes, I couldn’t really cuddle or hold them in my arms.  I was advised rest and could meet my kids only twice or thrice a day for a maximum of half an hour. That phase of separation was tough and difficult to cope.  So, when I was told that my kids will finally be with me, I was elated beyond words. And more so because the date given was of my birthday. I thought that is the perfect gift I could get.

Birthday

Finally, the happy day arrived and I was excited. However, as the day unfolded a series of dramatic events took place.

9 am:  We were waiting for the doctor. The nurse told us that the doctor would come for the regular morning rounds and would approve their discharge. Only after his approval, they would be able to bring the kids out of NICU.
11 am: The nurse informed us that the doctor is late by an hour and would take another one hour or so. Trying to maintain our calm, we waited.
12 am: The doctor arrived. After examining the kids for another half an hour, he gave the green signal and asked the staff to get the discharge papers ready.
1 pm: Sister brought the discharge papers. She waited for the doctor to sign them since he had left for lunch. Meanwhile she told us to get our kids’ clothes ready. They were so far wearing the clothes provided by NICU.
2 pm: Doctor arrived. He signed on the papers but told the nurse to discharge the kids only after giving them their next feed.
2.30 pm: My kids were given their feed. While drinking my daughter vomited and sister started to panic. In a hurry, she called the doctor again.
3 pm: Since the senior doctor wasn’t available immediately, the junior doctor arrived. She examined my kids again. While she approved for my son’s discharge, she refused it for my daughter and told the nurse to put the case on hold till the senior doctor comes.
4 pm: By this time, I was not just disappointed but almost in tears. The excitement of having my kids by my side after the three long days, soon turned into uncertainty. I wanted both my kids to be with me. I couldn’t take another day of separation. My husband came to me and tried to convince, but I was crying inconsolably. He told me to cheer up since it was my birthday. I told him to get me my birthday gift- i.e. both my kids.
4.30 pm: The nurse got my son in the room. He was covered in an orange coloured wrapping sheet. He was awake and trying to understand the new environment around him. I kept admiring him for sometime.
5 pm: I told my husband to ask the doctor about our daughter. I kept praying to lord that there is no major reason behind her vomiting and that she is allowed for the discharge too.
5:30 pm: The doctor arrived and examined my daughter again. After examining her, he kept discussing something with his team for the next half an hour.
6 pm: My husband couldn’t take the suspense anymore. He barged into their conversation and asked the doctor what’s the status. Finally, the doctor replied that all is well with her and that she can be taken to my room too.
6:15pm: My husband decided to surprise me. He came in the room and told that the doctors are uncertain and want to observe her for another day. Saying this, he left for some work.
6:30 pm: I had lost all hopes. Hugging my son, I kept crying thinking about my daughter whom I desperately wanted to be with.
7 pm: Someone knocked the door of my room. I saw the sister bringing my daughter. Wrapped in a pink sheet, she was sleeping yet smiling. I was surprised and teary eyed again.
7:30 pm: I saw my husband entering the room with a cake and candles. We finally celebrated my birthday with both my kids in our arms.

I did get the best gift of my life on that specific birthday. Even though I delivered on 27th November, I technically got to enjoy motherhood from 1st December onwards.

Every time I would see my kids, I would shed a few tears while showering a thousand kisses on them. Now after a year and half when I reminisce that day, I realise how much I cried. My kids would have been with me anyway sooner or later but at that time, I was beyond consolable and not in the capacity to think this way.

The birthday brought two important realizations of my life as a new mother. One; I got to know about my capacity to cry and that I can express almost all my emotions through tears. Two; I got to know about my capacity to love and that I could actually hold pieces of my heart in my hand and love them beyond measure.

 

 I am taking part in The Write Tribe Festival of Words #6. This is my post for Day 4 based on the prompt- ‘day in your life or someone else’s life’. Also read my post on Day 3’s prompt- Bhopal: A City Mapped In My Heart

#writetribe #writingbravely #festivalofwords #writebravely #writingchallenge

 

 

 

BabyChakra Parenting App: The Best Resource I have Used

BabyChakra : A Resourceful Parenting App

Motherhood makes a woman joyful, content and strong. It also makes her doubtful, nervous and puzzled. Especially for a new mom, the entire experience of motherhood can be overwhelming. Hence she needs a resource which is reliable and helps to make her parenting journey easy.

As a new mom, I was struggling with my dwindling emotions. One moment I would feel like a woman with immense superpowers to have given birth to new souls. The other moment, I would feel like a failure for not being able to soothe a crying baby. In those initial days, I was filled with multiple doubts and fears. And more so, because I had twins to look after.

For every doubt I had, I used to resort to Google. However, Google is a storehouse of vast information – both good and bad. Instead of providing me with right solutions, it usually added to my queries by showing some more problems. And frankly, I never had the patience and strength to filter information. I was sincerely looking for a resource that would not just clear my doubts but also guide me in the most positive way. That’s when I came across this highly resourceful app called BabyChakra.

After using it for a few weeks, I realized that BabyChakra is one of the most trusted parenting apps that brings all the help and support a new parent would need. It connects a mother to various experts, child care services and other fellow mothers who could share their experiences.

I use this app to find answers to every single doubt I have as a mother. Some helpful moms are always there to answer my query. I remember once, when my kids were 3 months old, my daughter suddenly started howling at 3 am in the night and I did not know what to do. I had posted this on the feed section of the app and to my surprise I received immediate replies with mothers giving me all the advice, solutions and tips to calm her. This app came to my rescue even in the wee hours.

The app connects moms to various health-care services and experts, that too all free of cost. I have sought opinions of gynaecologists, paediatricians and nutritionists through this app and found some reliable and practical solutions to my queries. There is a special review section on the app that enables mothers to share their experiences on any baby or mom related service. Every time me and my husband plan to visit a new restaurant I check its review on the app to know how child-friendly it is. For every new product that I plan to buy for my baby, I judge its worth by reading the reviews on the app. This certainly helps me to make an informed choice.

BabyChakra

There is a huge collection of some useful and informative articles on BabyChakra. Be it breastfeeding or nutrition or DIY ideas – you name it and it has it all. I always resort to these articles when I need some information on any topic related to mom health and baby. Especially on the days when I suffer from the typical ‘parenting blues’, I look up to its collection of some funny and light memes that simply uplifts my mood.

BabyChakra also curates some great products for moms and kids that can be purchased on their site as well as app. I wasn’t aware of some of the organic product brands but recently I happened to buy some wooden toys and healthy cookies from their site and realized how awesome they are. My kids loved them.

The community experience that BabyChakra provides is wonderful. Since all its members belong to the same tribe, they can find a connect with each other. It has a special Momstar programme through which we get to know like-minded moms. The best part is I can easily discuss my parenting mistakes with this community without having any fear of being judged. In fact, I am always assured with most positive suggestions and feedback. Through this platform, I have made some wonderful friends  who are always there to help.

This is my second post for the 6th The Write Tribe Festival Of Words. Today’s prompt required me to write on one of the best resources I have ever used and I could not think of anything else but BabyChakra. It has not just been my constant companion in my parenting journey but also proved to be a one-stop solution to all my parenting needs. 

Apart from this app, there is another helpful resource that I have used which is the book, Everything You Need To Know To Have Healthy Twin Pregnancy by Gila Leiter. This book helped me to cope with my complicated pregnancy. Read my detailed review of the book here.

 

 

#writetribe #writebravely #festivalofwords #writingchallenge

 

Motherhood

The Hardest Part Of Motherhood: Being Both A Mom and A SuperMom

Every phase of motherhood brings certain challenges. For a woman, the hardest part of being a mother is to accept the challenge that she is posed with, at each step of her motherhood journey, and emerge victorious at the end.

My twins are 19 months old now and are learning to make sense of the world around them. I am currently in that phase of motherhood where my kids feel I am a Super Mom and have special abilities through which I can solve any problem.

The other day, I gave a cookie to my son. As he took his first bite, it broke into two. He did not want his cookie to break and wanted to gulp the entire piece as a whole. With eyes full of tears and some hope, the first person he came running to was his Mom. He wanted me to fix that cookie back. Somewhere,  he felt his mom has superpowers by which she can fix everything right. I tried giving him a new cookie but that did not help the situation. 

To mention another incident, my kids were in  the garden when it suddenly started raining. My daughter loves playing on the swings and so did not want to go back home. But at the same time she did not want to get drenched too. She started crying, making an appeal to her mom to STOP the rain. Somewhere, she felt her mom can do anything, even if it means changing the course of nature.

Motherhood

Whenever there is a doubt or a trouble, the first person children rush to is their Mom. For them mums can do magical wonders. They have special powers through which they can solve all their problems –  be it big or small.

As a mom it certainly makes me feel special because my children choose to place their trust on me over anyone else. I feel special because they think I am the superwoman of their life. But it also places a responsibility on my shoulder. The responsibility of always being right, of always keeping their hopes high, of never failing in their eyes.

For me the hardest part of motherhood is to justify myself as a human with no super power, and yet not letting my children lose their faith in me. Explaining this could be easier to the world, but not to young children whose universe revolves around their mom. For kids that young, their mom can never be wrong. To make them realize that moms are a human being at the end and are bound to err, is the most difficult part of parenting.

Motherhood

As a mother, I want my children to believe in me and know that I will always be there for them. I will do my best to help them out in every situation. But I also want them to know that  I am a human at the end, with my own set of limitations.

Probably, as they would grow, they would be in a better position to understand this fact. But till the time they don’t, I will have to take this as a challenge and figure out ways to deal with both the roles – that of a Mom and of a Super Mom. 

 

Do you relate to this? You may also like reading My Parenting Mantra: Keeping The Promises Of Parenting

 

This post is a link up with Amrita andDeepa for #MondayMommyMomments
(Follow on Twitter @DeepaGandhi1 and @misra_amrita )

Proud Blogger for

My Parenting Mantra: Keeping The Promises Of Parenting

Howdy, Welcome to the blog train- My Parenting Mantra. Find on board some awesome bloggers who will drive this train for a month and share their enriching and unique parenting experience.

Thanks to Neha who blogs at SharingOurExperiences for introducing me.

Meet the fellow blogger moms who are a part of this blog train here.

Parenting poses a unique challenge to every parent. While there is no one golden rule that all parents follow, there is however one particular mantra that’s unique to each parent. This mantra that they follow is based on their lifestyle, values, and individual choices. In our case, this mantra is based upon the very fact that we have twins.

I always felt that parenting doesn’t need any rules,  until I became a parent myself. I then realized that these rules are not rules so to say, but some promises that each parent makes to oneself in order to give their best.

We felt the need of making such promises to ourselves when we heard the two tiny heartbeats for the very first time. The happiness that ushered in, was immediately marked by anxiety, nervousness and confusion. We knew we would love our kids unconditionally, but our mind was still clouded by some major doubts- how would we manage two kids together? Would we be able to do justice to both? What if we become partial to one? What if we unknowingly neglect one? What if we fall into the trap of comparison? How would we deal with the world who would always compare our twins?  

Hence, to be are prepared to deal with all sorts of situations and make our parenting journey easy, we devised our parenting mantra that included the following-

1. Creating a good value system

It’s very important to create an environment that helps kids to imbibe good values naturally. Both me and my husband believe in making our kids know the ‘why’ of things that helps them to value and respect what they have. We always ensure that we create such a system at home that enables them to learn gratitude and encourage them to be humble.

2. Follow what we preach

Kids learn by examples and who could set better examples for them other than the parents! As a family, we believe in modeling the desired behavior. We speak/behave in the way we want our kids to reciprocate and so far this has been working really well for us.

3. Encourage independent thinking

We want our kids to think independently, express themselves well and assert their choices. Since they are twins, the chance for them to be influenced by each others opinion would be high. And so we plan to raise them in such a way that each is capable of taking his/her own decisions. Though young, we still try to ask them about their individual choices, likes and dislikes and ensure that they get what they choose for themselves.

4. Avoid comparison

A n A

When there are two kids of same age in a house, the urge to compare is but natural. Each child is unique and so it’s all the more important for us to be conscious of this fact and resist this urge. We realized this fact pretty early and it has only helped to maintain our sanity as a parent of twins.

5. Nourish individuality

My kids have completely opposite personality traits. One is shy and clingy, the other is an  independent little explorer. Hence their needs, choices and interests are also very different from each other. So while everyone around tries to find some similarities between them, considering they are twins, we try to understand and respect their individual differences. We even spend some quality time with each child alone just to have that one-on-one connection.

6. Nurture the sibling bond

Parenting Mantra

Both A n A( Aarav and Aarohi) have a wonderful tuning. They have a unique connection that surprises us in many ways. Their giggles and endless cryptophasia (their private language) simply makes our day. And so we do our bit to nurture this connection in whatever way we can to help it remain special.

7. Let kids be kids

They fight, they play, they create mess and do everything that irritates us. But at the end, we as parents try to be mindful about the fact that they are kids and will act their age. We try to be conscious while placing our expectations on them and allow them to learn their way.

 

My husband and me keep reminding each other of these promises and in all situations we try to follow them. This not just helps us to enjoy as a family but also makes our parenting journey less complicated.

 

Enjoyed reading My Parenting Mantra? See what our next blogger mom Priyadarshani who blogs at Rattlebabblebattle says about her Parenting Mantra. Also, don’t forget to leave a comment here and share your opinions. We are all ears. 

 

Also read: Do Not Sacrifice For Your Kids: Simply Live and Let Live 

 

Dealing With A Clingy Baby: My Experience And Learnings

All babies undergo a phase when they are super clingy and just don’t want to leave their mumma’s lap. For some kids this phase is short-lived, but for a few others it’s a prolonged one. Mine is a latter case. I have twins, out of whom one is a clingy baby.

While my girl is a little independent and would manage to explore things around all alone, my boy is a super clingy baby. All he wants is to be carried all day. He needs his mom to be by his side all through. Even while sleeping he doesn’t leave my lap. I try to sneak out thinking he is asleep. But the minute my feet hit the floor, his eyes start to blink and his familiar wailing begins.

Handling such a baby is tough. And, more so because I have two to look after. While carrying one baby all day, I always feel guilty of neglecting the other.

On top of it, I have been at the receiving end of a lot of criticism, judgment and even unsolicited suggestions, in the past:

1. You are spoiling your child by giving in to his demands all the time.

2. You are being over protective. Your child will never become independent if you carry him all the time.

3. Let the kid cry. That helps to develop his lungs.

4. Kids cry all the time. You can’t be giving in everytime.

5. Go away from the child. You being around all the time makes him want you all the more.

6. Leave the child alone. That ways he will learn. You seem to be emotionally very weak.

7. It’s not the baby who is clingy. It’s you who cannot stay away from the child for long.

8. And the worst of all, it’s your breast milk that makes him stay on your lap all the time. You probably breastfeed him a lot.

All such opinions ended up creating more distress for an already worried mother in me. So one day I decided to know, read, learn and understand everything about clingy babies.

 

Why Is A Baby Clingy

While there could be several reasons for a baby to be clingy, a few basic ones could be-

1. Separation Anxiety

In the early months of life, kids have no concept of independence and so they consider themselves and their mother as one. Gradually, as they grow, they realize their mother is a separate individual and this thought overwhelms them. That’s when babies do not want to go away from their mums. They need their presence around them all the time.

Read more about Separation Anxiety here. 

2. Development Changes

All babies experience clingy periods when big changes in their development occur. Be it phases like teething, or achieving milestones, they take time to adjust and hence seek more comfort which they get only from their moms.

While the reason could be any, what’s to be assured about is that these clingy stages in a baby’s life is developmentally normal and appropriate. It’s actually a sign that the baby is making progress.

How I Deal With My Situation

1. Ignore the world and follow my heart

A mom of a clingy baby attracts people’s attention all the more. She is most susceptible to judgements and even suggestions. To maintain my sanity, I always ignore what people opine about me or my ways of dealing with my child. As far as suggestions are concerned, I practice the ‘filter policy’. Simply filter between what’s positive and what’s not, between what is followable and what’s not.

2. Always be there for my child

I believe in giving that attention, comfort and support that my son needs. Simply because, attachment fosters independence not dependence. Leaving him distressed, to cry and settle on his own only worsens our situation. However being with him, diverting his mind, cuddling and comforting works well as he feels secure and assured that no matter what, his mom is always by his side.

3. Believing it is a temporary phase

It’s certainly not easy managing the household chores while clasping a clingy baby to my hips all the time. It’s exhausting both physically as well as mentally. But at the end of the day, I believe in the fact that it’s just a phase, which may be tough but is not endless. It, too, shall pass.

4. Babywearing

I call my son a ‘velcro baby’ as he is always strapped around me. Wherever I go,  he accompanies. Babywearing adds to our comfort as I go hands free and my baby peacefully enjoys the rhythm of my heartbeat.

5. Explaining the baby

Talking out to the baby always helps, even when we think that he is not able to understand. In situation when I have to leave my son in care of someone else, I prefer telling him goodbye and leave, than sneaking out behind his back. Explaining him that I will be back in sometime helps to do away with his fear that his mom will never come back.

6. Sleep talking

I try sleep talking with my son when he is half asleep. I say all the positive sentences like’ Mama is always with you’, ‘Mama loves you a lot’, ‘Mama is always going to be by your side’, etc. Speaking such affirmative sentences feed his unconscious mind with some positivity that may help to reduce his insecurities.

A clingy baby is not a problematic baby. It’s just a baby’s way to learn and deal with his surroundings. And so such a baby doesn’t need rolling eyes of people around. All he needs is to be felt secured and loved. This will not just give him confidence to strike out on his own but will also help him emerge as an expressive person.

Also Read: Dilemmas Of A Mother of Twins 

Do Not Sacrifice For Your Kids: Simply Live and Let Live

I recently met an old friend who was working in an MNC since past 5 years. She suddenly had to quit her job given to her new role as a mother. While she was happily flipping the pages of this new chapter of her life, she was equally unhappy for ending a previous one that involved a well-meaning job, earning her a six-digit salary. With utmost sympathy and concern, I was all ears to her super-heroic story of the nine hour long labour and the sleepless nights thereafter, until she mentioned one last line. She ended by looking at her two months old daughter and saying “I hope when she grows up, she realizes what all changes we made in our life just to raise her up. All my sacrifices would be worth it, then.”

This one nomenclature got me thinking. Not only did I realize how big the terminology is but also how it tends to impact both the mother and the child.

As a parent myself, I want to implore all mothers to think on a few lines before ever ‘sacrificing’ for your kids.

Read the full article here:

Do Not Sacrifice For Your Kids: Simply Live and Let Live

 

A Visual Lens That Breaks Various Gender Stereotypes

Pink for girls and blue for boys- How many times did you end up dressing your kid this way?

Gender stereotype is a reality that’s ingrained in many cultures. While they shape the beliefs and attitudes through which kids are raised, they also limit them into specific roles. Well, not all girls love dolls and not all boys play sports.

Shattering some of these gender stereotypes, Kirsten McGoey of Trinity Design in Whitby, Ontario shows multiple ways in which ‘boys can be boys’ through her powerful photo series #aboycantoo. Letting young men to choose what they want to be and follow their heart, the series includes candid pictures of boys who wear hair accessories, or love dolls, or enjoy figure skating, etc.

 

Have a look at some of the pictures that present ‘boyhood’ through a refreshingly different lens.

Check for the entire article here

 

Hilarious Questions I am Asked As A Mother Of Twins

As a mum of twins, I do not feel any less than a celebrity every time I step out of my house. Thanks to all the glares, smiles and attention me and my kids get from the strangers around. While some eyes look at me reassuringly almost saying ‘you are blessed’, other brazen ones simply look inquisitive as if they want to do an entire research on the history of twins. I try my best to avoid communicating with the latter ones. But failing most of the times, I find myself fielding against their chain of questions.

Here is a glimpse of some such remarks or questions along with a few answers that resound in my mind behind that typical ‘social smile’.

Read the fun article here

 

I Am A Homemaker And Also A Feminist

One of the most talked about terms these days is Feminism. While many women claim to be feminist, not all know what its real meaning entails. I was absolutely baffled when while sharing my views on this topic with my friend, I was cut short by her saying, ‘you are a Housewife, you should be the least one talking about Feminism’! Her light remarks failed to amuse me and got me thinking seriously, Does being a housewife make me any less of a feminist? 

Read my take on being a ‘Feminist Homemaker’ here:

Mrigaa.com- I Am A Homemaker And Also A Feminist