Accept yourself as a perfectly imperfect mother
Perfection is a myth! Accept it!
Perfectionists are highly goal-oriented, committed, and hardworking – a winning combination especially when it comes to success, right? But what happens when we set an unrealistic expectation and then inevitably fall short? We feel awful, miserable with our sense of confidence gets completely shaken.
That’s exactly what happened with me in the initial days of motherhood. I carried this heavy bag of perfectionism with me. I wanted to be this perfect mother who could do everything right – be it breastfeeding my twins or making them sleep through the night or putting them on a schedule etc. I wanted to do everything and anything for my kids in the right manner and on the right time. I relied a lot on the practical or theoretical knowledge on parenting (that I gained by reading books or scrolling through Google, etc) and followed them to the core.
All of this created an unnecessary pressure on me. Infact the pressure doubled, because I was raising twins. And if I would make a single mistake, I would feel super guilty and miserable for being the worse mother. If my kids would puke while feeding or won’t burp, I would blame myself for not doing it the right way. My kids were born underweight and for the longest time I kept blaming myself for their low birth weight. For every small or big thing that happened with them, I would hold myself responsible and feel guilty for the same. Most of this pressure was self-imposed by me. And eventually it all turned out to be so overwhelming, so much so that I stopped enjoying that phase of my life. I was only chasing some unrealistic goal without fully living or enjoying the process.
Its only with time I realised that none of us are perfect and especially not mothers. The words ‘perfect’ and ‘parents’ don’t belong anywhere near each other.
Motherhood doesn’t come naturally to every woman nor does it come with a special parenting manual. Just like our babies grow and achieve various milestone, we mothers too grow and learn the art of parenting on the way. It doesn’t happen over night. And we make so many mistakes in our way and learn from them too.
The day I stopped trying to be perfect and started focusing on enjoying myself instead, I felt as a much better parent. We don’t realise but this quest to be a perfect mother and raise perfect children not just creates anxiety in parents but also creates anxious kids who tend to believe that anything less than perfect is simply unacceptable.
So if you are a new mother reading this article, then do yourself a favour. And give up on this idea of being a ‘perfect mom’. Perfection is a myth and no one is perfect, certainly not moms. So instead of chasing this myth, live in reality and accept yourself as a perfectly imperfect mother who may not know-it-all but who surely tries, makes mistakes and learns from her mistakes.
Let go off that guilt. If you aren’t perfect, doesn’t mean you are a bad mother or aren’t doing enough. Tell yourself everyday -‘ you are a good mom, not a perfect one’.
Trust me it becomes much easier once you accept that parenting is not an art or skill that you need to master, but a wonderful phase of life that you need to live fully and enjoy with your kids. Do that in your own imperfect yet beautiful way.
This post is part of the #BlogchatterA2Z challenge by Blogchatter